You just made me feel so damn special
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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