He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
