If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
