well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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