there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
