So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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