I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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