Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
