Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
