Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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