we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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