yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
