is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
