So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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