I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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