Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
