Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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