whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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