just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
ok first of all what the fuck
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
