I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My balls are so social today.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
