I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
