DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
birth control should be required to get into college
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
