Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize