I hope mine doesn't look like that
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
