just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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