I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We need to get me chipped asap
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