so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
