Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
