you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
