hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
