hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
