So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
