Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
