i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
