the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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