dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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