Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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