this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
