I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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