I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize