I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
