life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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