so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
