I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
