no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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