HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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