I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize