I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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