why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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