She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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