The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Randomize
