Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
