Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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