I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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