So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
ugly people sure do ruin things
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
