when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
