She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
