I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
