the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
