I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
