Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize