I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
