I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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