I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize