So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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