This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
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