you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
