I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
