you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize