Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize