my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
