apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
