I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize