Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
