Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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