so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
